I'm fat and its making me really upset, i look preg and i feel so ugly but i just cant seem to stop myself from eating. I'm over eating that's the problem I'm having and its because of the steroids I'm on but also the fact that food has never tasted this good to me before that I'm going a bit mad with it.
Matt says i don't look like i think i look but he cant understand how i feel, he says how can i be fat when i can still fit in size 8 jeans and 6-10 in tops but for someone like me who has never really filled out a size 6 before i now feel massive!!
I'm going to join the gym this week with my friend Laura and our friend Aimee also is a member there already so that will be nice, be a good thing to do every few days and i will get some me time away from the house, Matt and Connor.
Matt is getting me a bike for my birthday in dec but were getting it when he gets paid at the end of the month so i can start getting fit right away.
i cant wait to go try all the bikes and pick my new one, i haven't had one since i was around 13!! that's like 13 years ago lol that's half my life!
I'm also going to start swimming too, its going to be so much fun. i cant remember the last time i went swimming....it was maybe when Connor was around one years old. he hasn't been swimming since then too so i would like to start taking him to swimming lessons next year in the summer time.
I ave got lots of my Xmas gifts sorted out this year already, i worked out how much i have spent on Matt and its around £300 already and i haven't got him that much. i wont say what i have got him just in case he reads this!
i need to get some little bits and bobs for Connor too as we have got his main one already, we got him a go cart, hes going to love it. i cant wait to see his face when he opens it.
Monday, 14 November 2011
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Hair loss
Hair loss is something you think of old people having to deal with not something you want to have to think about when your 26 years old and yet here i am looking on the Internet for help with my problem of hair loss.
Its really getting me down, all my life i have had lovely thick hair and i have always been very proud of it, that and my long eye lashes were always my best fetchers and now its all gone to pop.
I have also been told to cut down on what I'm eating as my TX team don't want me to start having other problems from being fat! i have never been told to cut back on food but always been told to eat and eat and eat till i cant fit any more in and then eat some more!!!!
i think this blog is more of a down one today and not much else.
My lungs are doing really well at the mo and i haven't had to stay over night in hospital for a month, and i don't have to go back to TX clinic for 6 weeks! it feels like things with my blood are starting to sort them self's out and i can start to relax a bit and start to plan stuff and enjoy my self.
My LF is slowly starting to go up its now at 1.69 today and last week at TX clinic it was at 64% and I'm really working on it for it to be at 70% or more by next clinic.
Connor being at school now is giving me lots of time to sort the house out and get it how i want it, for the last few year i haven't been Abel to do anything but let Matt sort it all out but now i can i have so many plans and ideas that I'm slowly putting in to play with the 1st thing being sorting Roxy out, she has been eating everything lately from Connors toys to my pills and doors and carpet! she started to get out the hallway when we went out so she was put in her cage so she was in one place but she manged to brake out of that too, so i got my brother to fit some big locks to the doors of the kitchin and so far so good that has kept her in there when we go out.
Next i want to put new doors in all the rooms and then sort out the garden, me and Matt was raking up all the dead leafs today and took them down the dump site so the garden looks better already.
Me and Connor did some baking today and made mince pies with edible glitter on them! there were lovely and i had one with a cup of tea while they were still warm and it was (if i do say so my self) the best one i had ever had before lol
Next up is making cup cakes for my mums birthday next week, i cant wait to see how they turn out, my friend Sammie gave me a recipe for cup cakes and the butter icing topping and i have more glitter and sugar flowers to go on top of them.
I'm really getting in to this housewife job now and love being able to do everything, i even like doing the hovering and ironing!!!
So all in all everything is going well apart from my hair loss.....
Its really getting me down, all my life i have had lovely thick hair and i have always been very proud of it, that and my long eye lashes were always my best fetchers and now its all gone to pop.
I have also been told to cut down on what I'm eating as my TX team don't want me to start having other problems from being fat! i have never been told to cut back on food but always been told to eat and eat and eat till i cant fit any more in and then eat some more!!!!
i think this blog is more of a down one today and not much else.
My lungs are doing really well at the mo and i haven't had to stay over night in hospital for a month, and i don't have to go back to TX clinic for 6 weeks! it feels like things with my blood are starting to sort them self's out and i can start to relax a bit and start to plan stuff and enjoy my self.
My LF is slowly starting to go up its now at 1.69 today and last week at TX clinic it was at 64% and I'm really working on it for it to be at 70% or more by next clinic.
Connor being at school now is giving me lots of time to sort the house out and get it how i want it, for the last few year i haven't been Abel to do anything but let Matt sort it all out but now i can i have so many plans and ideas that I'm slowly putting in to play with the 1st thing being sorting Roxy out, she has been eating everything lately from Connors toys to my pills and doors and carpet! she started to get out the hallway when we went out so she was put in her cage so she was in one place but she manged to brake out of that too, so i got my brother to fit some big locks to the doors of the kitchin and so far so good that has kept her in there when we go out.
Next i want to put new doors in all the rooms and then sort out the garden, me and Matt was raking up all the dead leafs today and took them down the dump site so the garden looks better already.
Me and Connor did some baking today and made mince pies with edible glitter on them! there were lovely and i had one with a cup of tea while they were still warm and it was (if i do say so my self) the best one i had ever had before lol
Next up is making cup cakes for my mums birthday next week, i cant wait to see how they turn out, my friend Sammie gave me a recipe for cup cakes and the butter icing topping and i have more glitter and sugar flowers to go on top of them.
I'm really getting in to this housewife job now and love being able to do everything, i even like doing the hovering and ironing!!!
So all in all everything is going well apart from my hair loss.....
Sunday, 25 September 2011
Hospital Life
I haven't been updating my blog, I'm not sure why as i have been in hospital alot since TX and have had the time but i guess i don't what to moan about being in hospital more now then i was before i got my new lungs. i don't want to seem ungrateful in any way because I'm not, far from it in fact, I'm so happy I'm not on oxygen and not in a wheelchair anymore, i love the fact i can play for hours with Connor without getting tired and out of breath, i can walk my dog Roxy every day, i can do the house work and even love doing it after all these years of sat on the sofa while Matt cleans, i love the fact i don't cough and that i just feel well every day that i wake up.
but with all that I'm still in and out of hospital alot. its not the lungs, there in great condition and the Dr couldn't be happier with them but the anit rejection pills I'm on have messed my bloods up a bit so until that gets sorted out it looks like papworth is going to be my 2nd home for a few months yet.
i came in on the 8th this stay and its now the 25th and I'm still here and looking at another week or so yet.
fingers crossed i don't go mad before then.
In other news Connor started school 2 weeks ago, the Dr let me home on his 1st day so i could walk him to school and back but then i had to come back to the hospital and have only seen Connor 4 times after that :( i miss him but if i don't get my bloods sorted out he wont have a mummy to walk him to school so because of that i need to stay here.....it isn't making it easier knowing that.
I'm going to start work at my dads next month doing 16 hours a week while Connors at school, i cant wait as i haven't been to work in years and years. I'm really looking forward to it, makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life and not just sat wasting it.
I'm going to try and up date this blog every week now as i think it will help me with all the hospital stays.
but with all that I'm still in and out of hospital alot. its not the lungs, there in great condition and the Dr couldn't be happier with them but the anit rejection pills I'm on have messed my bloods up a bit so until that gets sorted out it looks like papworth is going to be my 2nd home for a few months yet.
i came in on the 8th this stay and its now the 25th and I'm still here and looking at another week or so yet.
fingers crossed i don't go mad before then.
In other news Connor started school 2 weeks ago, the Dr let me home on his 1st day so i could walk him to school and back but then i had to come back to the hospital and have only seen Connor 4 times after that :( i miss him but if i don't get my bloods sorted out he wont have a mummy to walk him to school so because of that i need to stay here.....it isn't making it easier knowing that.
I'm going to start work at my dads next month doing 16 hours a week while Connors at school, i cant wait as i haven't been to work in years and years. I'm really looking forward to it, makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life and not just sat wasting it.
I'm going to try and up date this blog every week now as i think it will help me with all the hospital stays.
Saturday, 2 July 2011
O.M.G........!!!!!
What a last few months we have had, i don't even know where i should start.
first things first i got my new lungs, and there very nice new lungs as it goes too, i got the call at 5.30am on Monday the 23rd may 2011 and went up with my mum in the ambulance and Matt and my dad followed up in my dads car, Matt's mum and dad came over to look after Connor.
when we gott there i had bloods taken and was taken to the ward i would be going on when i came out of ITC after the op, after the new lungs were all given a good once over and given the all clear i was taken down to start me new life at around 12.15ish. i shade a few tears as i said my see you soons to Matt, mum and dad and then woke up to hear people taking and felt tubes being taken out of my mouth and nose and then after a bit i could open my eyes and see my mum and Matt and i think my dad was there too...i found out it was around 10.30am on the Tuesday so had been out for nearly a whole day but it only seemed like i had close my eyes for a few mins.
i had four chest drains in, two at the front and one either of my sides and a big dressing down my chest from my collar bone area to just above my feeding button. i don't think i was really in any pain that i can think of at that time but i was being sick once i started to eat or drink anything so on the second day (Wednesday) they stopped my morphine and just had me on iv paracetamol and tramadol, also on the Wednesday they took out the two front drains and then the next two the day after that.
i was doing well but as it sounded like i had some gunk stuck i was given a bronch on the Friday and felt much better and not gunky after that and then was taking to the post op ward on the Saturday were i stayed for nearly two weeks and then was sent home! i was in hospital altogether for 17 days, i was told i would be in hospital for around a month so i was very happy that i was doing so well that i could be sent home after such a short stay. i must have been doing very well indeed.
since then I'm getting stronger and stronger and have been back in hospital for another bronch at 3 weeks and now I'm back in as my LF has dropped but apart from that everything else is great so there not to sure whats going on but to be on the safe side they have got me in again to have 3 days of iv 500mg steroids and a bronch at the end to rule out any rejection.
apart from this little blip I'm doing so well and I'm so proud of myself and cant wait till I'm fully healed and can start living my life and getting a job and running and playing with Connor, there is so much and I'm just so happy i was given this chance of a 2nd life with Connor and Matt.
that's the gist of it but i will update more as and when it comes back to me as the first week was a bit of a bluer to me as i was very sleepy and not really with it much.
first things first i got my new lungs, and there very nice new lungs as it goes too, i got the call at 5.30am on Monday the 23rd may 2011 and went up with my mum in the ambulance and Matt and my dad followed up in my dads car, Matt's mum and dad came over to look after Connor.
when we gott there i had bloods taken and was taken to the ward i would be going on when i came out of ITC after the op, after the new lungs were all given a good once over and given the all clear i was taken down to start me new life at around 12.15ish. i shade a few tears as i said my see you soons to Matt, mum and dad and then woke up to hear people taking and felt tubes being taken out of my mouth and nose and then after a bit i could open my eyes and see my mum and Matt and i think my dad was there too...i found out it was around 10.30am on the Tuesday so had been out for nearly a whole day but it only seemed like i had close my eyes for a few mins.
i had four chest drains in, two at the front and one either of my sides and a big dressing down my chest from my collar bone area to just above my feeding button. i don't think i was really in any pain that i can think of at that time but i was being sick once i started to eat or drink anything so on the second day (Wednesday) they stopped my morphine and just had me on iv paracetamol and tramadol, also on the Wednesday they took out the two front drains and then the next two the day after that.
i was doing well but as it sounded like i had some gunk stuck i was given a bronch on the Friday and felt much better and not gunky after that and then was taking to the post op ward on the Saturday were i stayed for nearly two weeks and then was sent home! i was in hospital altogether for 17 days, i was told i would be in hospital for around a month so i was very happy that i was doing so well that i could be sent home after such a short stay. i must have been doing very well indeed.
since then I'm getting stronger and stronger and have been back in hospital for another bronch at 3 weeks and now I'm back in as my LF has dropped but apart from that everything else is great so there not to sure whats going on but to be on the safe side they have got me in again to have 3 days of iv 500mg steroids and a bronch at the end to rule out any rejection.
apart from this little blip I'm doing so well and I'm so proud of myself and cant wait till I'm fully healed and can start living my life and getting a job and running and playing with Connor, there is so much and I'm just so happy i was given this chance of a 2nd life with Connor and Matt.
that's the gist of it but i will update more as and when it comes back to me as the first week was a bit of a bluer to me as i was very sleepy and not really with it much.
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Not A Good Week.
Not a good week at all, i started i.v's on Wednesday 20th April but got to do them all at home so didn't need a stay in hospital.
I'm feeling a little better so that's a good thing but i have a dry cough now that's driving me mad!
My great auntie Pat passed away on Saturday after a hard battle with cancer, she hadn't been well before they found the cancer. we are all very upset, my mum and nan cried so much :( but she is not in pain now so that's the main thing.
xxxx
I'm feeling a little better so that's a good thing but i have a dry cough now that's driving me mad!
My great auntie Pat passed away on Saturday after a hard battle with cancer, she hadn't been well before they found the cancer. we are all very upset, my mum and nan cried so much :( but she is not in pain now so that's the main thing.
xxxx
Tuesday, 19 April 2011
Not Feeling To Chipper
I'm feeling a bit off today so thought it was best to ring the hospital and start some iv's as i know i have to make sure my CRP is down now ready for TX so its best to be on the side of caution really.
I don't think they will keep me, they need the beds and i don't want or need to stay in but to be on the safe size i will be taking a bag with me just in case.
Today has been so stressful with Connor and Matt, Matt's stressed i think because he is worrying about me and he is trying to do all the house work and look after me and Connor and Connor is at that age where he is pushing the line to see how far he can go. All that makes for a stressful house to be in.
I wish i get the call soon so i can start being a real mum to Connor again and Matt can go back to work, life is just at a stand still and its not nice, its not living its just surviving.
I don't think they will keep me, they need the beds and i don't want or need to stay in but to be on the safe size i will be taking a bag with me just in case.
Today has been so stressful with Connor and Matt, Matt's stressed i think because he is worrying about me and he is trying to do all the house work and look after me and Connor and Connor is at that age where he is pushing the line to see how far he can go. All that makes for a stressful house to be in.
I wish i get the call soon so i can start being a real mum to Connor again and Matt can go back to work, life is just at a stand still and its not nice, its not living its just surviving.
Saturday, 16 April 2011
Transplant Bag
What to put in my bag, i cant think what to put in. I have had a lot of friends tell me what they put in but i still don't have a clue so still don't have a bag packed after 8 days of being on the list.
I will tell you what i have already got and what I'm going to get to put in and then let me know if there is anything else you can all think of.
* 2 new sets of vest/shorts pj's in a bigger size (when it gets cold i will add a set of long pj's too)
* Dressing gown/slippers
* 2 sets of clothes and a pair of trainers for once I'm up and about
* Flannel
* Towel, bath and hand.
* New toothbrush (not elec) and new tooth paste
* New pack of baby wipes and face wipes
* Pack of 8 new disposable razors
* New shaving gel
* Shampoo and conditioner
* New hand gel stuff for bugs
* Body wash/deodorant/cotton buds/small make-up bag/new lip sil
* E45 cream
* Hair brush/bands/clips
* DS game
* Note pad and pen
* Puzzle books
Bits to put in on the night
* Snacks/drinks
* Mobile phone + charger
* Laptop
* Mags/books
* Meds that I'm on
(But some bits in for Matt for a few days too)
I cant think of anything else at the moment, can anyone else add to that?
I will tell you what i have already got and what I'm going to get to put in and then let me know if there is anything else you can all think of.
* 2 new sets of vest/shorts pj's in a bigger size (when it gets cold i will add a set of long pj's too)
* Dressing gown/slippers
* 2 sets of clothes and a pair of trainers for once I'm up and about
* Flannel
* Towel, bath and hand.
* New toothbrush (not elec) and new tooth paste
* New pack of baby wipes and face wipes
* Pack of 8 new disposable razors
* New shaving gel
* Shampoo and conditioner
* New hand gel stuff for bugs
* Body wash/deodorant/cotton buds/small make-up bag/new lip sil
* E45 cream
* Hair brush/bands/clips
* DS game
* Note pad and pen
* Puzzle books
Bits to put in on the night
* Snacks/drinks
* Mobile phone + charger
* Laptop
* Mags/books
* Meds that I'm on
(But some bits in for Matt for a few days too)
I cant think of anything else at the moment, can anyone else add to that?
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